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"We're not fags... We're Bowhunters!"
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Monday
‘D’ League
Top Ten Mike Maistros Statistics
For even more Mike Maistros statistics check out the following link: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
Shark
Fin Soup Anyone? Scoring
Frenzy Ensues in 8-3 Rout of Sharks The scent of
blood in the water excited the Bowhunter offense to light the lamp 8 times in
the season opener against last session’s cellar dweller the Sharks. Mike ‘Dr.
Jellyfinger’ Miller led all scorers with three goals- no assists, but three
goals. ‘It’s for the team’
he was heard saying after the game. In a more
gerenous mood than some of his other
teammates, Mike ‘El Greek Hombre‘ Maistros added two assists to go with
his two tallies on the night. Speaking
through a translator Maistros stated ‘I-o pass-o the puck-o as well-o as
score-o. Mucho puntos!
Opa!’ Kevin ‘Soup
for Me’ McChesney recovered from being banned from the ‘E’ league by
slipping one past the ‘tender. (We
would print McChesney’s post-game comments, but he hasn’t stopped talking) Passing the
puck as much as my dad passes gas, Chris ‘The Gambler’ Mallon spread it
around as he collected two assists and a goal of his own.
Mallon offered these sage words of advice ‘You’ve got to know when
to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.’ Sean ‘The
Decapitator’ Smith showed why he is a goalie’s worst nightmare by finding
the back of the net after putting a slapshot through the goaltender’s head.
‘His head was the only thing between me and the net, so I figured
I’d just go through it. Hope he
didn’t mind.’ However, the
most generous Bowhunter of all was Jason ‘Oops! Wrong Number’ Houck who
managed to assist the Sharks on all three of their goals, including setting up
a couple of one-timers.
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Thursday
‘E’ League
Bowhunters ‘Roll Wid It’, Baby Team Keeps Pace During 4-4 Tie Against Steve Winwood Groupies
They liked it so much- they did it again. Fresh off last game’s 4-4 tie the Bowhunters posted another 4-4 tie against the rink’s group of Steve Winwood fanatics to remain solidly mediocre for the season.
After falling behind by an early goal, Geoff ‘Higher Love’ Locke scored the 1-1 equalizer with his second goal of the season. Geoff stated after his goal “Think about it, there must be Higher Love, down in the heart or hidden in the stars above”. For the record, we stayed far, far away from Geoff for the remainder of the game.
Tom ‘You can still call me Tom’ Morabito fired a wrist shot past the goaltender for the Bowhunter’s second goal of the game, his second goal of the season and the second equalizing goal to make the score 2-2. Tom credited his goal-scoring ability to his recent jury duty stint “I gained a lot of confidence during jury duty- I was able to spot guilty people just like that!” as he snapped his fingers He said he didn’t want Judge Smails to send those fellows to the gas chamber, but he felt he owed it to them. Also for the record we also stayed far, far away from Tom for the remainder of the game.
After falling behind 3-2 Bowhunter defenseman, Matt ‘Valerie’ Hannan backhanded his first goal of the season into the net to tie the game 3-3 and cried ‘Valerie, call on me. Call on me, Valerie. Come and see me- I'm the same boy I used to be (repeat chorus three times)’ For the record, EVERYONE stayed far, far away from Matt for the remainder of the game.
With just a scant few minutes remaining in the game newcomer, Matt ‘Back in the High Life’ Harrison tallied his first goal of the season to tie the game once again, this time 4-4. When asked about his recent absence from the game Matt stated “I'll be back in the high life again. All the doors I closed one time will open up again. I'll be back in the high life again. All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in. And I'll drink and dance with one hand free, Let the world back into me and oh I'll be a sight to see - Back in the high life again!”
Not wanting
to be left off the score sheets, Jeff ‘Two Minutes Feel Shame‘
McGuire and Andy ‘Hook’em and Hold‘em‘ Ball each earned a penalty with
less than two minutes left in the game leaving the team to fight off the rabid
Winwood fans down two men for the remainder of the game. Geoff had this
to say about his penalty killing ability at the end of the game which helped
seal the tie “You just roll with it, baby, come on and just roll with it,
baby.
An opinion poll of the fan in attendance taken about what he thought of the game- Bowhunter ‘E’ league hockey or bad elevator music ride from hell? His response was unanimous ‘Either way I think I’m going to stay far, far away.’
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Bowhunter Shop on the Web Take your favorite hockey logo with you wherever you go. The Bowhunters logo is now available on all sorts of merchandise, including t-shirts and sweats. Just click the link above to go directly to the Bowhunters shop.
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